Sunday, November 2, 2008

Life of a Bank Alt / Guild Master

Today, we delve into the life and times of Narah, my bank-alt. This is a repost from the old blog, but ironically Narah is also OrdoSerp's current Guild Master. It's just easier that way. Mains swap from guild to guild, but level 10 bank alts never go away.

Hi I'm Narah the "failed" experiment. I hit level 10 and like a cold slap in the face, LRNs stopped playing me. I'm not sure why he stopped. I've got hot cans and a great rack! Is he the only heterosexual male who actually prefers male toons? Seriously, that's so lame. What's wrong with him?

Anyway, after months of living in cyber-limbo worrying that I would be deleted and replaced by some skeevy gnome or a hairy dwarf, poof! I'm back! At first, I'm so like "Where are we going?" But then I was sorry I asked because guess where I ended up? Ironforge! Instead of being replaced by a hairy dwarf, I'm shopping with them?!? Actually, I think I'm developing a thing for short men, rawr!

OK, where was I...Ironforge, right!

So, you may ask, why Ironforge? I know I did!...loudly, often and until I got tired and looked for a Starbucks...

Turns out that instead of a life of adventure, I've been turned into a supply-whore. Actually, not as bad as it sounds. Seriously! On one hand, I'll never see the world. On the other hand, I'll never have to pick up spider ichor! BLEH!

Also, I'm a professional shopper! Wahoo! Now, I know what you're thinking because I thought it too! Neiman Marcus here I come! Baby needs a new pair of shoes...I mean, Beroth totally needs an extreme makeover! Yeah, not so much. Turns out I spend most of my day talking with Auctioneer Lympkin. After work, we like to grab some banana bread from Myra and then see if we can get men buy us drinks at the Stonefire Tavern. Watch out for the Dwarven Stout, it'll put hair on your chest! Really, you don't want to get your boobs waxed it's...painful!

Wow, talk about diarrhea of the mouth! I'm soooooo sorry. I'm supposed to be giving you suggestions about living as a bank alt/personal shopper!

The reason I didn't get booted off to cyber-oblivion is that having a bank alt is a serious must for raiders. Note: It's not that he doesn't like my curves; he just doesn't want to play a priest. Go fig! I'm so easy..wait, I mean, I make things so easy! I'm not one of those sluts...I mean night-elves! Woah! Gotta focus...

Think of it this way, I'm like having an extra bag at every mailbox. I also allow you to run your utility addons like Auctioneer. The value of doing your Auctions here with me, instead of out on your main is that I protect your raider from dreaded addon bloating! There's nothing worse than starting a Tidewalker pull and feeling bloated! Or so I'm told. I'm not going near him unless someone gives him a couple bottles of Beano!

A bank-alt is also great for the dreaded "stock-pile." After a while, even the minimalist end-gamer acquires too much crap. The obsessed player might have 3 or more every-day toons. Someone's got to keep them organized and focused. That's where I come in. Not only am I a personal shopper, I'm an office manager! I keep this ship afloat. See, you thought I was just a bubble-head, but I'm more like "Legally Blond" only with short red hair and no way I'm wearing that much pink!

So, here are my survival tips for surviving the mean streets.

- First off, a girl can never have too many bags. Make sure that sugar-daddy of yours sets you up right!

- Don't let him undress you as make you dance all day for coin. It might sound fun at first, but it's really degrading. Let those night-elf witches do the dancing! You're here to shop! I got myself a nice White Traditional Hanbok from Lisbeth's place in Stormwind. It turns heads without saying "Look at me, I'm a slut!"

- Learn to report spammers and slap that ignore button hard! Seriously, those bastards should be sent to the third ring of hell or Molten Core. I can do it faster than you can say, "Amex or Visa?"

- Start your day off right. Fire up Auctioneer do a scan. It goes something like this, "Yo Lym! What's hot today!" Then you buy low and sell high! Those shirts on Wallstreet got nothing on us girls in the trenches of Ironlag!

- Always shop in the most accessible places like Ironforge or Undercity. Seriously, too much running around and you can get big calves. There's a reason why Darnassus and Thunder Bluff are empty. They are like really bad Outlet Malls....too far away and with bad prices.

- Unless you want to go all Carry, turn off General Chat. Seriously, it'll rot your brain. Heck, I'd turn off Trade for all the morons there, but you never know when a sweet deal will crop up. Just try not to pay attention to the dorks that yell all the time. They are Trolls. The first time you yell back you end up in a shouting match and they win. The second someone yells more than 4 or 5 times in a row, give em the ignore-slap! Speaking of a full ignore box, I just delete the spammer names after a while to free space. No reason to grab another addon. Addon management is too much like work as it is.

Wow, have I wasted this much time? Goodness, I've got to go see what the prices are like for Heavy Knothide Leather. If I don't sell this stuff soon, Beroth will let Relan* start shopping. That moron might know how to wield a sword, but that doesn't mean he's ready for the auction house!


*Relan is my "abandoned" warrior. I gave him a tux & a big-ass samuari sword. Now, he carries excess Leatherworking mats for me.

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